Untethered

She was restless
Sitting in the bleachers with her friends, she was quiet. There were people sitting around her, surrounding her, giving her company but exactly the one she needed. They were chatting around, making small talks, and she could have jumped in anytime. She was good at that, making small talks, but that didn’t mean she liked it. She had almost mastered the art of smiling by now.
There were days when she would plaster it on her face, trying to act normal, trying to feel normal. She would laugh, trying to act happy, trying to feel happy. However, somehow she was always untethered, her mind always somewhere else.
At first, she was amazed by the way she could talk about something and at the same time think about something else. But when her mind became obstinate, she was terrified. She couldn’t control the direction where her thoughts wandered and it wasn’t always pretty.
During the lonely nights when sleep evaded her, when she covered her ears abominably trying to quiet the noise caused by her disastrous train of thoughts, when her frustration seeped through her heart causing it to beat faster, pushing hard at the walls of the cage as if trying to break free, her breathing was rapid.
And in those moments, she longed for something, someone who could make it peaceful again.

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