Fears and dreams

Swimming through the tides of restlessness, trying my hardest to concentrate on my work, I packed up everything and climbed up my roof to watch the serene sunset, hoping for some direction.

After several rounds around the roof, watching the sun drown in deep blue clouds, I had reached the state of tranquility, though not achieved any motivation to go inside and continue my work. Planning my next vacation, I counted how long it had been since I was near the ocean, sinking my toes in the sand.

One of my worst fears was not doing what I had alway wanted to do. Like a lot of people my age, I had dreams that I had imvented while searching for my placs in this world. I had developed this urge inside of me to travel the world, build a house on a beach, get a pet dog, fall in love in paris, etc. I know that some of them are quite shallow and lack serious thought, but I still believe that even the hopes of achieving them kept me going. 

Watching the sunset today, I had this deep inkling inside of me that I might miss my vacation this year again as I could already see all of the things that could go wrong and all the things holding me back.

Somehow, during this chase of hopes, I hadn’t realized when the dreams that had kept me going became the fears that made me feel hopeless.

And then I realized that it doesn’t matter if I don’t have a house on a beach, it doesn’t matter if I don’t see the world before I settle down, it doesn’t matter if I don’t even visit paris. I could always visit the beach on holidays or weekends, the annual visit back home would mean more to me than seeing the world.

All of a sudden, I felt so peaceful, that I could sit there for hours without my brain going into overdrive.

Now after finishing writing this post, I’ll gladly go back to my work.




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